Life as Public Enemy No 1 is not easy but frankly, I’m adjusting. I’ve become numb to the gasps of horror and I’m a ninja when it comes to dodging accusatory questions. But no amount of social gymnastics will absolve me of my sin: I’ve never seen Star Wars.

Wookiee-mania is gripping the world following the release of the first Star Wars sequel, Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Initially, I attempted to conceal my ignorance: I withstood the school day with thoughtful nods and allusions to “prequels” and my reputation remained untarnished. My survival amongst the sharks of the Star Wars fandom bred confidence and, as with every great fall from grace, my ambition was my undoing. I branched out. I spoke of my love of Spock, my dream of wielding a ‘lightsaver’, and with a fateful flash of a Vulcan Salute my destiny was sealed.

Amid a tsunami of condescension (yes, I do know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father) I was posed one question, time and time again: “How have you not seen Star Wars?” Although this was always delivered in the purely judgemental, rhetorical sense, with a tone of superiority. It was a reasonable inquiry nevertheless. Avoiding a multi-billion dollar cross-platform franchise that epitomises the childhood of not one, not two, but several generations is no small feat. Now, I do not wish to absolve myself of responsibility… but I blame my parents. Just like teaching your child to tie shoelaces, introducing your daughter to “a galaxy far, far away” comes with the responsibility of parenthood.

Admittedly, I am intrigued about exploring the Jedi universe. A franchise with such a vast and varied fan base must be doing something right. If you are a kindred spirit, a fellow Star Wars virgin in this universe of awakening condemnation, our parents may have failed us thus far, but all hope is not lost. The Original Trilogy and the Prequel Trilogy are available on Amazon for a total of £28. Pool your money with three other friends and you have yourself a mega movie marathon for only £7 each.

Alternatively, you could just mention Han Solo to a Star Wars fan and wait for the spoilers to come rolling in. It will save you 15 hours of screen time.

Regardless of the path you choose to take on your voyage to Star Warsian enlightenment, I hope that your journey is less troubled than my own; live long and prosper, and may the force be with you.