The struggles of being a member of that house. The one that cheers for joint third place.

When you receive that letter that says ‘you have been assigned to ‘MacCarthy House’, your mouth probably dropped, your shoulders slumped and a sigh of defeat, barely noticeable (good practise), escaped. Or perhaps you rolled your eyes and huffed about how ‘typical’ it was that you’d ‘be stuck in that house’.

It’s possible that after the initial disappointment it occurred to you just how hideous the orange-yellow PE tops were. Orange-yellow. And when you were all thrown together with the scarlets, emeralds and royal blue, it would look like something that you saw kids wearing in 80s TV programs. You were just missing the tight shorts. And gym socks. Oh wait, Gogna made you buy those too?

If you’re in Year 7 or 8, you are probably wondering what I’m on about. You love your new brilliant white top with smudges of gone off mustard down the sides and a huge collar that is so disproportional it looks more appropriate for a 70s game show…right? And why is the colour still so repulsive, why not a golden yellow; the other houses have a bright shade of their colour, why do we have a poster paint variation of ours? I’m not vain enough to suggest that our appearance is paramount when designing PE kit, but it’s embarrassing.

But colour is not the only issue: what use is sheer lycra to anyone’s modesty? Alas, to further prattle on about the issue would become very tedious for you and more infuriating for me. Besides, we must take care of what we wish for, you’ve seen what happens around here when ‘a fresh touch of colour’ is needed…