Arts & Entertainment

Five Ways VS Fiction

By Aimee Hughes.21 Apr 2016

Five Fictional Schools That Make You Glad You Go to Five Ways. This school may not be perfect but at least it doesn’t have a body count

#5 LOWOOD INSTITUION - JAYNE EYRE: On the curriculum at Charlotte Bronte’s boarding school for poor and orphaned girls are cold rooms, thin clothes, malnutrition, and public humiliation. While the MacCarthy block may boarder on artic in the winter months, at least no-one has died of consumption

#4 FORKS HIGH SCHOOL - THE TWILIGHT SAGA: Stephanie Mayer has taken a lot of abuse over her Twilight books but we have to hand it to her, she managed to create a truly nightmarish school. It’s not even the constant threat of vampire attack or morally questionable teen marriage that got it on the list, it’s the fact that if we went there we to would have to be horribly, horribly written.

#3 KING EDWARD VI CAMP HILL SCHOOL: It’s not fictional, but how we wish that it was… this one requires no explanation. “shudder”

#2 HAILSHAM - NEVER LET ME GO School: Uniforms are often criticised for robbing kids of their individuality but at least we aren’t literal clones. It’s also nice to be able to live without the constant fear of having your spleen stolen.

#1 SHIROIWA JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - BATTLE ROYALE: If I tell you that the hunger games had been accused of being a comparatively tame rip-off of this Japanese cult classic, you’ll have some idea of what the kids of Shiroiwa have to go through. While most schools on this list have a death toll this one takes the cake for sheer brutality (and disturbing creativity).

We don’t want to make the staff too full of themselves so here’s 5 more to remind us that while KEFW could definitely be worse, it could also be much better…

#5 HORACE GREEN - THE SCHOOL OF ROCK: We don’t have Jack Black. Major oversight. For Shame, Mrs Wilkinson, for shame.

#4 MALORY TOWERS - MALORY TOWERS: Set in a castle with midnight feasts, pranks, mysteries and adventure, life at Malory Towers is anything but dull, especially that one time when a girl nearly fell off a cliff (our school doesn’t even have a cliff). We also don’t have stables so I think the verdict is pretty clear on this one.

#3 EAST HIGH SCHOOL - HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL: You can bet on East High having its head in the game, and while it failed to bop to the top of this list, it’s done anything but stick to the status quo. Let this be a reminder to just work out, and while we’re all in this together it’s important not to forget that sometimes you need to go your own way.

#2 ST TRINIANS - ST TRINIANS: So they can make bootleg liquor and hard drugs in Chemistry but when I do it I’m ‘in violation of school policy’ and I ‘have to leave before the police are called’.

#1 HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY - HARRY POTTER: Magic? Check. Feasts? Check. Quidditch sports reports that people actually care about? Check. Despite the yearly threat of death, I think we were all gutted not to receive our Hogwarts letter when we turned 11. But, it’s not all bad news, KEFW and Hogwarts do actually have some similarities! Everyone simultaneously loves and ridicules the yellow house, hates the green house and while the head may love Vic and Bob rather than cats, she does have pink sofas